I’ve just returned from 6 weeks in my homelands in Washington State. It was the first time I’ve seen my family in 21 months and I experienced a range of emotions while I was there. I was also struggling with guilt at having moved so far away and with a deep, grievous homesickness.
I’ve kept the homesickness at bay for years, but this trip home opened the flood gates. Part of my spiritual growth has included working with my ancestors and I think that accounted for some of my weepiness: My home is also the home of my ancestors– 40,000 years worth of ancestors. Give or take a millennium.
When we flew back to Costa Rica last week, I was a mess. It had never been so hard for me to leave home. Growing up, I was the kid who wanted to learn her tribal language. I dreamt of being an activist within the community. I wanted to go to ceremonies, participate in them and even lead them. But I was also the kid who wanted to travel far far away. I wanted to explore other worlds and cultures. First, I moved two hours away to get a bachelor degree. Then, I moved across the U.S. and to Spain, following my first husband. Then I moved to the Southwest for a master’s degree. With my master’s degree in hand I thought finally I can go home and learn the language. Participate in ceremony . . . and then I met Andy and found myself committed to him, our children and his (our) farm in Costa Rica . . . for life.
Last week, July 13th, was also my birthday and I always try a new sort of reading or healing technique for my birthday. This year, at the behest of my friend Lis from Little Fox Tarot, I booked an Ancestral Reading from Andrew with The Hermit’s Lamp (love that name). In the session, I bumbled and cried and snorted while he listened and interjected messages from the Ancestors as well as a bit of life coaching. One of the things Andrew pointed out was that I kept using the phrase “I feel so lucky to be here but . . .” He asked me to go deeper into why I felt lucky and I bumbled around a bit before he added his two cents (paraphrased of course):
“Why do you think you and Andy are together? Why do you think you have a magical story? The ancestors brought you together. We’re talking hundreds of years of scheming and planning. Your ancestors want you in Costa Rica. Your ancestors want you in your homelands. This IS the plan. You talk as if you’re getting away with something, as if you don’t deserve your magical life, but you worked harder than anyone. You listened.”
And whoosh. Everything came into place. I did listen. I listened to my soul and to my dreams when they told me to leave my first marriage. I listened to my heart and the synchronicities when they led me to Costa Rica for the first time. I listened when my gut told me to trust the stranger who wanted to pick me up at the airport and I listened when the souls of my children came through in a dream and announced the adventure we’d be having together. (you can read my multi-part series on this divorce-love-babies-divine-intervention story beginning here)
I super listened. With all of my senses.
I’m not getting away with anything. I haven’t gotten more than I deserve. These are the blessings (and hardships) of this lifetime. And I know, without a doubt, that if I had not listened, I’d be in some city somewhere, aching for a life in another world.
I’m still listening.
Now, I’m curious to know: what blessings are you “getting away with” ? How have you listened to divine guidance through life changes?
In love and sacred darkness,